Spiders

Be honest, how does that spider make you feel? I'm not particularly scared of spiders but, even so, I wouldn't want to find that on my pillow at night, or anywhere else for that matter.

I know people who will barely even be able to look at that picture. People for whom even the thought of seeing a spider of any size or shape would trigger an uncontrollable flight-fight-freeze stress response that would raise their heart rate and blood pressure and set their palms sweating.

If you were at work and a huge spider like that one suddenly dropped down from the ceiling and onto your workspace, I'd be willing to bet that even the most stoic among you would react. Depending on the steeliness of your nerve, and your personal history with arachnids, you might jump, leap to your feet, and even shout out or scream.

None of those behaviours would normally be considered appropriate in the workplace but, in the context, who would blame you? Your boss might look over enquiringly, you'd explain what had happened, everybody would sympathise (or laugh!) and, after removing the offending spider, everyone would get on with their day. If it didn't play out like that, and your manager punished you, you'd probably feel pretty hard done by.

When we're looking at children's behaviour in school, context matters. That context will be both personal for the child, and situational, and it is the interplay between these two contexts that will drive the child's behaviour.

You might not be scared of spiders, but I expect you can understand that others are. You might have your own stress points that you have learned, as an adult, to overcome to a greater or lesser extent. Yet I'm sure you would still appreciate being given a moment to explain the context should a crisis overwhelm you.

How much more important is this for children who, with their brains still developing, may not yet have the ability to control their own stress responses? Where the stress point has a source that is less obvious than a massive hairy spider, a child may not even be able to explain why they did what they did. Punishing a person for screaming at a spider will in no way lessen their fear of spiders. Sympathy and CBT might be a better approach.

We all hope for understanding. We all deserve the benefit of the doubt. Unconditional positive regard goes a long way. When we're thinking about behaviour, context is king.